During the next couple of weeks we shared the news with a few close friends. It was weird to tell friends – something about the attention and while I was happy that people were excited, I was also felt odd having this secret that some people knew about and others didn’t. I didn’t have to feel bad about keeping this secret for long. The big “reveal” was just around the corner – Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving we were both very nervous but as is to be expected, people were excited for the new addition – the first in my extended family, the second for my husband’s extended family. Little did I know that the tiny baby inside me had stopped growing. I didn’t feel different, I didn’t know what was happening (or more precisely not happening).
Now that my extended family knew, I felt more comfortable sharing with others. The Monday after Thanksgiving I was talking to my boss about other things, and while I hadn’t planned to tell her just yet, it seemed right. I wasn’t nervous about telling her – she’s a great boss and we’ve previously had conversations about how I eventually plan to have kids. As it turns out I’m grateful I told her, because at the end of the week I had my 12-week appointment. The appointment that didn’t go according to plan.
The little spot on the ultrasound screen has grown bigger. The fluttering of the heart reminds me of a lightning bug. So fast, so bright, makes me happy. We left with two copies of the ultrasound pictures.
This was also an appointment with lots blood work and a glucose test. They gave me five minutes to drink the bottle of glucola and as pathetic as this sounds, I was actually worried I might not finish it in the five minutes allotted. I’m not a fan of sugary sweet and this was at the highest of the sugary sweet category.
All the blood work and the glucola test came back clean/good.
After the appointment we told our siblings. More happiness and excitement.
Sense of smell: Definitely more acute. Not to be too gross, but I am much more aware of when it’s the time of the month for certain people. I find it odd/interesting. Now I just need to get my husband to buy the cereal I used to think smelled like tuna and see if that’s still the case.
Nausea: Still none yet. Only thing I’ve noticed is if I haven’t eaten by about 8:30 I start feeling a little nausea, but as long as I have breakfast by 8:30 I’m fine (at least so far – knock on wood).
Mental: The first few weeks I was thinking about the pregnancy constantly. Now it’s probably down to every few hours.
Our plan all along was to tell our parents at eight weeks. We were originally thinking that we’d share the news after our 8-week appointment, but my father-in-law invited us down for a family dinner on the Sunday before our appointment and we decided that was the right time to tell them. I was nervous – very very nervous. I was scared they would think they were too young to have a grandchild, or that they wouldn’t think it was the right time, or… I don’t know all of my fears – I just know I was nervous. Of course it was all for naught – they were thrilled! I think the sweetest moment was when my father-in-law said he was going to buy our child all of the Mr/Miss books and read to them all the time. He was so exciting just thinking about it.
We told my parents the next day. My mom shrieked for joy and my dad was also happy. My anxiety about telling people is now gone. The only people whose reactions mattered have been told. They are all happy and everything going forward will be easy (in retrospect I suppose those were famous last words).
I’ve been continuing to listen to a number of pregtastic episodes and I’ve just gotten into the batch with a friend as one of the podcasters. AHH! I want to talk to her so much about pregnancy. Every time I see her online I want to tell her how wonderful it is to listen to her sharing her experiences (and making me feel normal – yes, she also wondered “well, wait, am I actually pregnant if I don’t have morning sickness?”). I’m waiting, being patient – but I can’t wait to tell the girls who were on pregtastic how grateful I am that they participated in the podcast. It’s been a great resource during these early weeks before we’ve really shared the news with anyone.
My one real and true pregnancy symptom – fatigue and lots of it. I am hitting a major slump every afternoon. My energy is low, I’m sleeping 9 hours/night and I still have a hard time waking up each morning. I am growing a person and all, but sometimes I just feel lazy (and then I fall asleep before I can worry about it more).
During week 7 I had an acupressure massage appointment. It was my first massage since finding out I was pregnant. If course I needed to tell my masseuse so she could avoid certain points (contra-indicated during pregnancy) and also just be aware of what else my body might need in general. I started by telling her very “just so you know…” and then when she double checked that this was a good thing I got out of the practical side and started sharing more. She was the first person (other than my husband) that I really got to tell and share with. It started a flood of emotions. During the massage, instead of calming down and lowering my heart beat, I kept experiencing different emotions and my heart rate was elevated. By the time I was ready to head home, my emotions were swirling through my body. She sent me home with some points to work on that can help with tranquility/emotional unrest, but there was a part of me that felt like for the next hour or so I should really just let myself experience those emotions. Joy, awe, craziness, delight, and an overwhelming sense of “IT’S REAL.” For the first time I talked to the little spud. Let him know that we would be going through this together.
My husband and I had a plan. To have a baby in the summer of 2011. September was our “green light” month – as in, it would be A-okay for me to give birth in June if everything happened during this first month. We both knew people who had tried for months before conceiving. We figured that with all other factors being equal, it would probably be a few months before we conceived, but we’d start trying.
Well, the first week of October rolled around and I didn’t get my period (and I’m an incredibly regular person when it comes to my cycle). We tested two days later and it came out negative (1 line). Three days after that (so five days after my missed period) I took another test and saw the faintest of faint second line. There wasn’t a huge moment of “oh my gosh” because we pretty much suspected at that point due to the lack of an actual period. Still, it was exciting to have confirmation and for the next few weeks we let ourselves dream and plan for the future. At work I started writing a more detailed guide to what I do during the summer months in anticipation of maternity leave. On the home front I carefully arranged a trip to visit my brother so that it would be early enough for there to be no worries about flying while pregnant.
During this time I had so many questions but no one to talk to except for my husband (since we had decided not to tell anyone until 8 weeks). I highly recommend Pregtastic for any expectant mothers out there – particularly during those first 12-16 weeks when you may not have told others yet but still have plenty of questions. I downloaded and listened to podcasts like mad. Several of my friends have participated in Pregtastic podcasts and it was wonderful to listen to their stories with a new perspective. Oh and let me tell you, the most surprising change for me – the fact that my boobs started growing – I sort of didn’t expect that to happen until later on in pregnancy, but apparently it happens right away.
My doctor had me come in at 7 weeks for an ultrasound and the start of a number of blood tests. At that appointment they determined I was about 6 weeks instead of the expected 7 weeks (which went along with not testing positive until later on). We went home with our ultrasound picture and instructions to come back in two weeks (for an 8 week appointment).
Two months ago, I went through a miscarriage – a missed miscarriage to be exact. During that time I did a lot of writing to process my emotions and just let some of the dialogue in my head out. During my miscarriage I came across two blogs that were really helpful – one post dealt with the logistics of the process (Babyburnham) and the other blog (HeirtoBlair) was linked to me by a friend and it was amazing how useful it was to read another person’s experiences – not just the during, but everything you go through after a miscarriage as well.
After awhile, I began thinking about everything I had written and also at how useful it was for me to read about the experience of another person so I began wondering – Do I share this with my friends? Do I share this with strangers? My initial response was no, it was just too painful, too soon. But now I’m stronger and would like to share this – if for no other reason than to help one more person – maybe another person who has to go through a miscarriage, maybe a friend of a person who is going through a miscarriage who just wants to understand a bit more. I suppose also at the end of the day, it’s for me.