Miscarriage – Part 3

(Please be aware that the below post contains detailed information relating to my miscarriage)

Wednesday morning

After a brief appointment with my doctor first thing in the morning, she went ahead and scheduled me for a D&C later that day.

An hour before the procedure I took 800mg Ibuprofen, 2 vicodin, then 2 more misoprostol. We went back to the office at the appointed time, were brought back to the room. And then we waited. And waited. We ended up waiting for the better part of an hour (although the nurse came in to give us updates). That was honestly the worst part of the day – waiting. We were so close to having some finalization but we had to wait. I understand the waiting – she started her day off running late and then she had squeezed us in between other appointments in what was already a very busy day. Thank goodness for a phone with internet – we ended up talking about all sorts of random things while we were waiting and just because we needed to keep our minds off of the task at hand (kind of hard seeing as how I was lying on an exam table in one of those lovely blue gowns), we looked up anything we had questions about – fish, geography, the weather, random historical figures, etc.

The procedure

First off my doctor is wonderful. She asked before starting if I wanted her to talk or if she should just let me dig inside myself creating a mental oasis. I’m the kind of person who likes being prepared, so I asked her to let me know what was about to happen as things went on.

I closed my eyes and she began. The first thing she did was inject something – I suspect a local numbing agent or perhaps something to prevent infection – she told me, but the only part I focused on was that I would feel a pinch from the needle. After a bit she let me know I was about to hear the noise of the suction machine. She reminded me to breath when I forgot. The pain was so much less than I expected it to be. She said part of that was because I was already dilated so much (a result of Saturday’s cramps/contractions).

My husband was a trooper – he sat right next to me and held my hand the whole time. A part of this experience that I hadn’t thought about is that he also saw what was happening – the amount of blood that came out of my body for a second time and all of the blood on the hose of the machine. I blissfully was unaware of these details – I heard the noise, I experienced the tugging, but really it was so much less painful than what I had gone through Saturday night and for that I was grateful. The entire procedure only took a few minutes (less than 10, maybe more than 5?).

Immediately after she was done I had some cramping, but within 2 minutes I was relaxing. I expected to feel a great sense of loss. Instead, I felt at ease. I started to get the jitters some and felt like I needed to move but also felt like I should stay still for a bit. I took my time getting up. I felt oddly okay. I was worried at how okay I felt – I was certain I should be grieving, be in pain, be upset, not just feel OKAY. My husband pointed out that some of that may have been due to the drug cocktail (ie that I might be flying a bit high) and he definitely had a point. About an hour after the D&C my adrenaline started to drop back down and while I still felt okay physically, my sense of immense “okay-ness” dropped some.

I can’t express how key having closure was in this process. We were still sad, we were still grieving, but we weren’t waiting for my body anymore. We didn’t have to wonder when the rest was going to come out. We were no longer waiting on things beyond our control. We could move forward.

My doctor told me to stay home – she recommended for the rest of the week, I thought she was just being kind. I felt so physically okay on Wednesday that I even thought I might go into work on Thursday. In the end, I stayed home on both Thursday and Friday. There are times in your life when you have to let go of your feelings of obligation. Maybe there are things that won’t get done at work. Oh well. At the end of the day what matters is that you take care of yourself first. I have a boss who supports this and I took her up on it. I stayed at home with my husband and worked on healing.

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One Response to Miscarriage – Part 3

  1. Joanna says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I also lost our first baby at 11 weeks. Reading your story of miscarriage reminds me of my own loss in August 2010. If you ever need to “talk”, please feel free to touch base. Although it’s been a bit longer for me, I still feel the need to talk about our angel. ((Hugs))

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